- Date: August 7, 2023
- Current weight: 362.2 lbs
- Height: 5 foot 7
Do you ever find yourself feeling like a failure, even when all the evidence points to the contrary? I ask myself how can that be when I checked off all of society’s milestones—education, career progression, homeownership—and yet, when I’m all alone, nagging thoughts creep in, telling me that I’m still not good enough. It’s a feeling that goes beyond superficial comparisons, delving into personal doubts about me as a person, how I’m just not interesting enough, not funny enough, not smart enough, not social enough, basically a deep-rooted sense of inadequacy.
And for sure, comparison plays a huge role in it and before you remind me that comparison is the thief of joy, let’s be honest: We all compare ourselves to others, albeit to varying degrees. But the majority of the time I just find myself consumed by the belief that I’m a disappointment, leading me to strive to be a better daughter, sister, partner, friend, employee, etc. But this pursuit only backfires: People-pleasing might appease others, but not oneself. And no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to please everyone, so isn’t it wiser to focus on pleasing yourself to begin with?
Somehow, I’ve found myself trapped between feeling unworthy and a compulsive need to please others. These two burdens weigh heavily on me and rob me from happiness. They even drive me to eat as a coping mechanism. But I’m writing this as a reminder to myself: I must learn to love who I am, stop the endless cycle of people-pleasing, and if the eating doesn’t resolve itself, find a healthier way to cope. It’s time to put myself first.
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